fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
