fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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