porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
