She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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