I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize