just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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