one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so let's talk penis.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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