I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
