dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
