Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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