Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize