i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
