I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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