she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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