hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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