Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
