someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
