If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
