We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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