if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
