i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
