My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
