hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
