two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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