You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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