My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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