I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
