sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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