Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
