You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
