Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
