the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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