I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
