i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
