guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
