It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
