My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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