Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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