Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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