Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
