we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
