We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
