a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
