he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
