were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
