'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't deserve a penis
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
