Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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