All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
