he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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