im about as happy as oj after his trial
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
