Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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