Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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