I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
