Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
