sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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