Need sex. Gaining weight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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