Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
