new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
