I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
