they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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