At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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