Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
