dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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