we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
