why didn't you poke me back
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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