My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
