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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
