im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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