He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
