He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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